I read somewhere a long time ago that that is roughly what Shia LaBoeuf's name means, and I am a bit jealous because Megan Elise Lastname? Doesn't mean a darn thing, probably because lastname is some mashup of multiple generations of slutty ancestors adapting their names to their new language. Anyway, on to the show-- it is Tuesday night, so I assume the more responsible of you have already gotten it out of your Tivos...
Our cold open this week is Hillary C. as the President, or in a message "brought to you by the President." Superdelegates, blah blah. I am bummed that the primaries are going on so long, but I am hopeful about the outcome, come November. Oh, and Hillary will be a great president because she is a "sore loser," her "supporters are racist" (I damn near died after she said this), and she "has no ethical standards"-- apparently they are having to back up the fact that they are not Hillary-biased, after having portrayed her more favorably earlier this season. The strange thing is, I am sure that they will make fun of whoever ends up winning, and whoever ultimately becomes President in the fall (cough Obama cough).
Monologue. Please, baby Jesus, no singing! That is all I ask. Shia LaBoeuf (who, if you must know, I have loved ever since the Even Stevens days) looks like quite the hipster, in his gray jeans and blazer and shit-ton of hair-product. The pants fit a bit oddly, and it leads me to believe that he may be wearing an adult diaper-- I'm just sayin'. Oh, and he hosted before? I suppose I blocked that out, due to my hatred of the Dear Sister sketch. Not a fan. But I am an Indiana Jones fan! Dude, he and James Bond were totally my prepubescent crushes; what can I say, I love a Man of Adventure. Highlights: Sean Connery (oh, I miss you, Celebrity Jeopardy!) shows, and is greatly chagrined to have been left off the Last Crusade lunchbox, and then Amy P. is Short Round (whatever happened to that kid?).
Ugh, MacGruber. Now with added Son of MacGruber! Unfortunately, there is little added humor, though there is a trio of awesome wigs. Oh, and Son of Mac Gruber is gay.
It's a Match, with Guy Lang! But Guy Lang has been murdered, and the six '70s celebrities are left to make references to a game show that is significantly older than Shia LaBoeuf. While "making whoopie" is only marginally humorous, Fred Armisen does a killer Paul Lynde. Also, great wig work.
Mercifully, there is a commercial break. Guys, I am totally going to see Crystal Skull, and none of you can stop me! It is probably going to be lame, but my love for Indiana Jones knows few bounds...
Yellow-jacketed LaBoeuf beckons us into the 16th Precinct, where three Game Stop shoplifters are being given a stern warning by a Scared Straight Kenan Thompson. They stand up, sit back down, and repeat, and it is about as funny as it sounds... Also, Bill Hader, a Stussy t-shirt? That is straight retro biznass. Oh, and a Goonies rehash. Just how old is LaBoeuf, anyway? I am a cranky old lady today. My back hurts from the elliptical, I don't know why.
MacGruber, again. I am having a hard time getting it up for this episode. I would so rather be watching crazy wedding programming.
But! Next week! Steve Carrell and Usher! I can't wait to see Get Smart. How much do I love Anne Hathaway and want to eat ice cream sundaes with her? The answer is "a lot."
Ok, we are into bulleted-list territory. Here's the quick and dirty version of the rest of the episode:
- Suze Orman Show. Crazy jacket, and where the hell is my stimulus check?
- Digital Short. LaBoeuf and Samberg are talkin' pantsless fashion in a locker room. Would this really be any more ridiculous than most guys usually look? At least it would be pretty funny, because, come on, naked dudes are pretty funny-looking.
- I watched My Morning Jacket perform, just for you, Jenn. They are pretty great, and totally not what I was expecting. SNL has been bringing the Pretty Sweet Music recently, what with the Vampire Weekend performance earlier this season and all...
- Weekend Update, which GP hilariously referred to as "the news." Always my favorite part of the episode.
- La Rivista della Televisione, where Bill Hader smokes a lot and I realize how tall Shia LaBoeuf is. Damn, kid!
- Another g-d MacGruber. There is kiss-vomiting, or vomit-kissing, or whatever. It is gross, and I don't like it one bit.
- Awkward Glances Across a Restaurant. So, I am not someone who gets many glances in restaurants (or Safeway, or the gym, or Starbucks, or whatever), but I imagine that it is about this awkward. What's up with that? I guess I would prefer staring to having to talk to them, though...because I am a Total Bitch.
- Again with My Morning Jacket. Loving it.
- Exaggerated Southerners try on clashing patterns. "Funky" is rarely something to aspire to, folks. But there is totally a shout-out to Decatur! Represent! Shia LaBoeuf, by the way, looks like your confused little brother, raiding your closet and trying on your pinkest dress. And now I understand the True Meaning of "Bless his heart."
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Coming attractions
Because, unfortunately, there are people in the office and I don't have the option of working from home, I am unable to do the SNL recap at this very moment (I am pretty excited to watch and mock mercilessly, though). Oh, and I took a picture of all the wine we bought last weekend (I say "we," but really GP was the benefactor), but it is trapped in my camera, in the study of our apartment. So what you get for now is a list of all the stuff I will be doing in the next month and a half or so...
Memorial Day weekend - GP graduates! He's all growns up now, with his master's degree and fancy job, so his parents as well as his sister and her fiance will be coming to town for a Big Fat Graduation Event. His graduation is all kind of early in the morning, at the school's football stadium-- because of this, and because I graduated from a South Bay public high school, I have to keep reminding his parents that they could wear a barrel with suspenders, for all anyone else will care. For real, there will be air horns and people banging on pots and pans with utensils. Classy. Post-graduation, there will be some eating and drinking, which I am working to finalize because the stupid restaurant guy hasn't finalized with me.
The next day, we're going to the beach! This is how you know GP's family isn't from California: they want to go to the beach on Memorial Day weekend, which is a truly insane proposition. There is generally "beach traffic" every weekend from May through September/October, with holiday weekends being the worst. But they came all this way, and are intent on "swimming" (y'all, our water is freezing-- you don't swim unless you are four years old or completely insane), so we will go.
Monday is up in the air, but our tentative plans are to go to local Santa Cruz mountain wineries...because we cannot get enough of wine. Seriously, we are running out of room.
Third weekend in June - We will be the ones traveling across the country! GP's sister is getting married, and it is going to be a Big Fat Armenian wedding, with very few expenses spared. Aside from the frozen drink bar and the fact that I will get to have my hair done and ride in a limo, I am most excited to field all the "So when are you getting married?" queries. My planned response is, "Ask him," but do let me know if you have any suggestions-- GP is not a fan of my current planned response.
Oh, and a couple days after the wedding, we are going to Paris! I've mentioned this in passing, but here's the deal: we are in the "habit" of taking one big trip a year (last year it was Puerto Vallarta), and his parents haven't ever been to Paris together, so the logical remedy to this was that we would all go together, in a "honeymoon" of sorts. Yes, GP's sister is getting married and going to Anguilla for her actual honeymoon, but the four of us will be taking Paris by storm! His parents are generously paying for everything but the airfare (our combined SFO-EWR-CDG-EWR-SJC itinerary was like $1400, yikes), and I am hoping we might be able to sneak in a romantic moment or two. Expect to be sick of hearing me talk about damn Paris by the time I leave...because I cannot wait to go!
Is it summer yet?
Memorial Day weekend - GP graduates! He's all growns up now, with his master's degree and fancy job, so his parents as well as his sister and her fiance will be coming to town for a Big Fat Graduation Event. His graduation is all kind of early in the morning, at the school's football stadium-- because of this, and because I graduated from a South Bay public high school, I have to keep reminding his parents that they could wear a barrel with suspenders, for all anyone else will care. For real, there will be air horns and people banging on pots and pans with utensils. Classy. Post-graduation, there will be some eating and drinking, which I am working to finalize because the stupid restaurant guy hasn't finalized with me.
The next day, we're going to the beach! This is how you know GP's family isn't from California: they want to go to the beach on Memorial Day weekend, which is a truly insane proposition. There is generally "beach traffic" every weekend from May through September/October, with holiday weekends being the worst. But they came all this way, and are intent on "swimming" (y'all, our water is freezing-- you don't swim unless you are four years old or completely insane), so we will go.
Monday is up in the air, but our tentative plans are to go to local Santa Cruz mountain wineries...because we cannot get enough of wine. Seriously, we are running out of room.
Third weekend in June - We will be the ones traveling across the country! GP's sister is getting married, and it is going to be a Big Fat Armenian wedding, with very few expenses spared. Aside from the frozen drink bar and the fact that I will get to have my hair done and ride in a limo, I am most excited to field all the "So when are you getting married?" queries. My planned response is, "Ask him," but do let me know if you have any suggestions-- GP is not a fan of my current planned response.
Oh, and a couple days after the wedding, we are going to Paris! I've mentioned this in passing, but here's the deal: we are in the "habit" of taking one big trip a year (last year it was Puerto Vallarta), and his parents haven't ever been to Paris together, so the logical remedy to this was that we would all go together, in a "honeymoon" of sorts. Yes, GP's sister is getting married and going to Anguilla for her actual honeymoon, but the four of us will be taking Paris by storm! His parents are generously paying for everything but the airfare (our combined SFO-EWR-CDG-EWR-SJC itinerary was like $1400, yikes), and I am hoping we might be able to sneak in a romantic moment or two. Expect to be sick of hearing me talk about damn Paris by the time I leave...because I cannot wait to go!
Is it summer yet?
Monday, May 12, 2008
Coming up!
What you have to look forward to, when I get to it:
-rehash of the wine-tasting/brunch weekend (preview: it was so great!)
-recap of last weekend's SNL, hosted by Shia LaBoeuf and featuring My Morning Jacket (a band that I have never heard of, because I am hopelessly uncool)
-review of all the things that I have to look forward to in the coming month and a half
For now, though, I leave you with a link to one of the funnier things I've discovered on the internets in recent days...ladies and gents, I give you Rap Graphs.
-rehash of the wine-tasting/brunch weekend (preview: it was so great!)
-recap of last weekend's SNL, hosted by Shia LaBoeuf and featuring My Morning Jacket (a band that I have never heard of, because I am hopelessly uncool)
-review of all the things that I have to look forward to in the coming month and a half
For now, though, I leave you with a link to one of the funnier things I've discovered on the internets in recent days...ladies and gents, I give you Rap Graphs.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
New slang
As promised, here is the short tale of how I learned that my mother was aware of the meaning of "hollaback girl"-- honestly, I have to admit that I wasn't entirely sure what it meant until she told me.
Mom: Hey, you know that Gewn Stefani song, "Hollaback Girl," with the bananas?
Me: Oh, yeah! You know I like songs with spelling in them.
Mom: I guessed you would like it. Anyway, I used to think that she was saying "holla-fat" girl, and I had no idea what that meant. But then one of my teachers [my mom is an elementary school administrator] told me. Do you know what a "hollaback girl" is?
Me: Can't say that I do, lady. [This was mostly true. I had a vague idea, but couldn't wait to see what she would say.]
Mom: It's like, when there's a guy who gives a girl a booty call [Dude, my mom just said "booty call," and I am dying inside.], and she, you know..."holla"s back. You know, calls him or gives him the booty call or whatever.
Me: [dies]
...and, scene.
Up next, some multi-mom wine-tasting! Oh, and I will tell the tale of a humiliating Mother's Day event that happened at my high school workplace (that is, where I worked in high school, not that my current workplace is...oh, forget it).
Have a great weekend, lovelies!
Mom: Hey, you know that Gewn Stefani song, "Hollaback Girl," with the bananas?
Me: Oh, yeah! You know I like songs with spelling in them.
Mom: I guessed you would like it. Anyway, I used to think that she was saying "holla-fat" girl, and I had no idea what that meant. But then one of my teachers [my mom is an elementary school administrator] told me. Do you know what a "hollaback girl" is?
Me: Can't say that I do, lady. [This was mostly true. I had a vague idea, but couldn't wait to see what she would say.]
Mom: It's like, when there's a guy who gives a girl a booty call [Dude, my mom just said "booty call," and I am dying inside.], and she, you know..."holla"s back. You know, calls him or gives him the booty call or whatever.
Me: [dies]
...and, scene.
Up next, some multi-mom wine-tasting! Oh, and I will tell the tale of a humiliating Mother's Day event that happened at my high school workplace (that is, where I worked in high school, not that my current workplace is...oh, forget it).
Have a great weekend, lovelies!
Friday, May 9, 2008
Hollaback girl
As I am walking from my car to The Apartment last night, shopping bags in hand, I hear from across the main quad in the complex, "How you doin'?" Think Joey Tribbiani, but not as endearing. There are, in the quad at the time, several people-- kids around the pool, a few people on the patio outside the gym, people sitting on their balconies, etc. I don't turn around, because I know that no one I know is around.
He shouts again, "Hey, Red, how you doin'?" My hair isn't red anymore, but I am wearing a red shirt, one that I received multiple compliments on while shopping (sidenote: how nice is it to get that random compliment when you're in the middle of a body-shame sprial?). I turn around to see who feels it appropriate to shout at me across the quad like a construction worker while I am just minding my own business-- of course, it is one of probably about five guys that live in a single apartment facing the quad. Sighing and rolling my eyes, I instinctively raise my middle finger and book it to my apartment.
Because I ain't no Hollaback Girl.
(Someday I will tell y'all the tale of how my mother divulged her knowledge of this phrase's meaning. It is hilarious.)
He shouts again, "Hey, Red, how you doin'?" My hair isn't red anymore, but I am wearing a red shirt, one that I received multiple compliments on while shopping (sidenote: how nice is it to get that random compliment when you're in the middle of a body-shame sprial?). I turn around to see who feels it appropriate to shout at me across the quad like a construction worker while I am just minding my own business-- of course, it is one of probably about five guys that live in a single apartment facing the quad. Sighing and rolling my eyes, I instinctively raise my middle finger and book it to my apartment.
Because I ain't no Hollaback Girl.
(Someday I will tell y'all the tale of how my mother divulged her knowledge of this phrase's meaning. It is hilarious.)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
In which I shop, spontaneously and plentifully
Really, is there any other way? Hoping to find some great stuff for Mother's Day, I headed to the mall. I do not go as frequently as, say, high school-- when I used to go multiple times in a week, relishing the dual rewards of having a driver's license and a part-time job-- but I still enjoy the plethora of great stores there. Thanks, Westfield! I would say that I managed a good bit of restraint, but on the other hand, I did a fair amount of damage. I did talk myself out of things, though!
The haul is as follows...
Short bubble dress from Forever 21, to be paired with some black leggings, which are my first leggings since about third grade. I am late to the party, but still a bit hesitant about them. They will not, under any circumstances, be worn as pants. Also, in walking around various stores, I saw that there was a big Black and Pink Moment happening, which is nice because it's a color combo that I like, and was able to re-create for pretty cheap. I am worried that I'm getting too old to shop at Forever 21, and do have some sweatshop concerns...but my love of a comfy little dress outweighs these things. Does that make me a terrible person?
What can I say, I love a big-ass ring. Also, this thing was less than $3. I win! There are also some flat, cream-colored sandals, but you'll have to wait until they're a Shoe of the Day to see those...
I stopped into this Heritage 1981 store, and was perplexed. Is it the same thing as Forever 21, but a little more hipster? That they are near each other in my mall does not help matters any-- does anyone know what the heck this store is? I am also a little bummed that 1981 is now this crazy-in-the-past time. The kids working there were definitely born in the '90s, and that's just wrong.
Next was Papyrus, which was really the only stop I needed to make while I was there (everything else was just a bonus!), and I picked up cards for my grandma and GP's mom (from him...I know! I am a great girlfriend), as well as these cute pink and brown cards that were half off. I couldn't resist!
Ann Taylor was a bit of a bust-- I didn't end up even trying anything on, although I did see the polka dot dress that was in the last Shop It To Me email. Everything at Ann Taylor was blue or green, and I was just not in that mood today. Luckily, a few doors down, there was NY&Co., with its siren song of a sale. Buy one get another 50% off, it crooned. Who was I to argue?
I walked out with two tops, including this one...
(which I will not be pairing with my blue-and-white checked pants, thankyouverymuch), as well as another one that is sort of purple-y and black, with sequin detailing around the neck. (Upon seeing this shirt, GP remarked that I have a lot of clothes that make me look like a flapper. I am not sure that he knows what a flapper is.) I also made off with a trio of their new body products (so delicious-smelling! I got the gardenia and pomegranate ones) for $15 (!!!) and a cute pair of earrings. Oh, and this little number:
Memorial Day is almost here folks! Not that I pay much attention to that particular rule...
The haul is as follows...
Short bubble dress from Forever 21, to be paired with some black leggings, which are my first leggings since about third grade. I am late to the party, but still a bit hesitant about them. They will not, under any circumstances, be worn as pants. Also, in walking around various stores, I saw that there was a big Black and Pink Moment happening, which is nice because it's a color combo that I like, and was able to re-create for pretty cheap. I am worried that I'm getting too old to shop at Forever 21, and do have some sweatshop concerns...but my love of a comfy little dress outweighs these things. Does that make me a terrible person?
What can I say, I love a big-ass ring. Also, this thing was less than $3. I win! There are also some flat, cream-colored sandals, but you'll have to wait until they're a Shoe of the Day to see those...
I stopped into this Heritage 1981 store, and was perplexed. Is it the same thing as Forever 21, but a little more hipster? That they are near each other in my mall does not help matters any-- does anyone know what the heck this store is? I am also a little bummed that 1981 is now this crazy-in-the-past time. The kids working there were definitely born in the '90s, and that's just wrong.
Next was Papyrus, which was really the only stop I needed to make while I was there (everything else was just a bonus!), and I picked up cards for my grandma and GP's mom (from him...I know! I am a great girlfriend), as well as these cute pink and brown cards that were half off. I couldn't resist!
Ann Taylor was a bit of a bust-- I didn't end up even trying anything on, although I did see the polka dot dress that was in the last Shop It To Me email. Everything at Ann Taylor was blue or green, and I was just not in that mood today. Luckily, a few doors down, there was NY&Co., with its siren song of a sale. Buy one get another 50% off, it crooned. Who was I to argue?
I walked out with two tops, including this one...
(which I will not be pairing with my blue-and-white checked pants, thankyouverymuch), as well as another one that is sort of purple-y and black, with sequin detailing around the neck. (Upon seeing this shirt, GP remarked that I have a lot of clothes that make me look like a flapper. I am not sure that he knows what a flapper is.) I also made off with a trio of their new body products (so delicious-smelling! I got the gardenia and pomegranate ones) for $15 (!!!) and a cute pair of earrings. Oh, and this little number:
Memorial Day is almost here folks! Not that I pay much attention to that particular rule...
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
DANGER!!!1!!
This is what our balcony looks like right now...
Cuidado, indeed. Even if we wanted to, we couldn't open the door-- there is a 2x4 wedged behind the slider, in a cruel reversal of the "security system" GP has devised that involves placing a level (yes, a level) behind the interior sliding door space.
Oh, and where is all the stuff that usually lives on the balcony?
Why, right in the living room, of course! Where else should we put the 12-foot tripod that elevates our DirecTV dish to a height where it's able to receive signal? I am shocked that I haven't stubbed any toes on this thing, shocked and grateful.
In addition to this business, there are currently many different Huge Piles of Dirt blocking random walkways throughout the complex, which make getting to one's car or fetching the mail a more challenging task than ever thought possible. There is, of course, also the accompaniment of numerous power tools, if your brain needed any more aggravation. Ah, apartment living...
Cuidado, indeed. Even if we wanted to, we couldn't open the door-- there is a 2x4 wedged behind the slider, in a cruel reversal of the "security system" GP has devised that involves placing a level (yes, a level) behind the interior sliding door space.
Oh, and where is all the stuff that usually lives on the balcony?
Why, right in the living room, of course! Where else should we put the 12-foot tripod that elevates our DirecTV dish to a height where it's able to receive signal? I am shocked that I haven't stubbed any toes on this thing, shocked and grateful.
In addition to this business, there are currently many different Huge Piles of Dirt blocking random walkways throughout the complex, which make getting to one's car or fetching the mail a more challenging task than ever thought possible. There is, of course, also the accompaniment of numerous power tools, if your brain needed any more aggravation. Ah, apartment living...
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