The winding-down of Barack-tober

Yeah, that's right...I am not even going to mess around with the Rock-tober promises, because this month has been too full of The Busy to apply any such term to it. However, there were some highlights, including:

-a haircut, with deep conditioner treatment that was kicked into the deal and totally blew my mind. Sure, I am annoyed with my sort-of side-bangs now, but at the time? I was so excited about my hair.

-attending the last wedding of 2008, and possibly the last one before my own, which is a scary thought. No, we haven't picked a date (because it turns out I fail at wedding planning so far-- no decisions have been made), but we have heard nothing and gotten nary a Save the Date, so I'm thinking it might be a year-long wedding drought.

-rocking the hell out of most of my Library School assignments. Turns out I have found my calling, even though I still think distance learning is pretty isolating.
-carving the best jack-o-lantern ever. Seriously, friends, all I need now is a couple others that say "No on 8" and "No on 4" (because I loooove gays and hate babies! No wait, only one of those is true), and I will be an official commie. Is it election time yet?

Now, for the lowlights:

-being near tears during a timed online assignment because my professor had given such poor directions that I was almost entirely unprepared for the damn thing. I have survived, but we will see what the grading gods think of my efforts.

-finding out that my 18-year-old stepsister had gotten married in mid-July. Oh, and I found this out...in mid-August. From my mom and stepdad...who had found out only a few days previous. If I felt that this marriage was in any way based on some sort of adult, mature, well-reasoned decision, I might be a bit more supportive. As it is now...well, it hurts to think that one's sibling wouldn't deign to notify her family of her marriage.

-working two jobs sucks. I even did the math, see? Two part-time jobs + graduate school < one full-time job

Am I being too ambitious when I am even considering doing NaBloPoMo?

Michael Phelps is Not Funny

Yes, friends, fall is upon us. Because there is very little in the way of autumnal coloring in California, one of my favorite parts of fall is new tv! So exciting! And we’re back, with the SNL recapping and our friend Michael Phelps. Before I turn on the Tivo…I have to say, I have been trying really hard to avoid coverage of the Tina-Fey-as-Palin, Amy P.-as-Hillary sketch, because I want to be surprised. We’ll see. Oh, and I have huge, huge doubts as to the hilarity of Michael Phelps, despite his abs that I want to eat brunch off of.

(Note: turns out Tivo didn’t record it—wtf—and I am having to use our DirecTV dvr to watch this. This dvr is le suck.)

We begin with “A Nonpartisan Message from Governor Sarah Palin and Senator Hillary Clinton.” Yay! Tina Fey+Amy Poehler=awesome. I’ve paused it, and “Hillary” looks bored. Can’t wait to hear Tina Fey do that godawful accent, with its flattened and horrific vowels. Also, sexism? Is not the reason we hate you, Sarah Palin. We hate you because you are a Big Fat Idiot. What’s a flirge? Ooh, I would love to see Sarah Palin side-hug Hillary, and watch Hillary punch her in the throat. No, no one else? Ok, it lived up to the play it got on the internets…I am satisfied.

Same cast as last season? Huh. Ok. A couple new featured players, maybe? Nah, just this Bobby guy. And Casey Wilson, whose face I always recognize but whose name always escapes me. Thanks, Don Pardo.

Michael Phelps, monologue. Can I just say, he reminds me a lot of my younger brother? About the same age, kinda tall and goofy… But I am still willing to bet the bro-ham is funnier. Yes, Michael Phelps, the gauntlet has been thrown. At least you dressed up for this. Hee hee, Amy P. is playing his mom, who I think is totally adorable. She’s a middle school principal, too, which means that she is a big damn deal. “Swim Cop.” Not funny. Will Forte in a Members Only jacket offers to have MP endorse My First Meth Lab, “a product [Michael Phelps] should not endorse.” Duh. OMG SHATNER!!! Teaches MP a lesson about integrity…and Priceline, an online travel site that I have never found that useful (Travelocity/Expedia/Kayak 4-eva!). Ahhhh, the real Debbie Phelps! So cute. Wow, I am totally glad that others saved the monologue, because he could NOT carry that thing.

I officially want to see Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. Am I hip enough to do that?

Michael Phelps wears a swim cap to beckon us into “Quiz Bowl,” where there are people barking like dogs within fifteen seconds. Terrifying. Also scary? The wigs. The joke here is that home-schooled fundamentalists don’t know about sex, physics, biology, or dinosaurs. Regular public-schooled kids aren’t that hot either. Ohh, America. Kristen Wiig steals the show, awesomely. However, this sketch is the lame.

Commercial about how hard jars are to open! Sucks. I mean, come on.

Yay! Will Forte takes another star turn as a high school swim coach. (Remember the Peyton Manning episode?) “Fudged my Speedo”? Poor showing, Michael Phelps. I hope there will be singing at some point…and a cassette tape makes an appearance. Yessss! Forte fixes his mustache and the song plays, a little muzak, and everyone manages to mostly keep their shit together as Will Forte performs Balki’s Dance of Joy. Phelps joins him, but is still wearing his warmups/tracksuit. I’ll give it a B-

I hope Ghost Town isn’t going to be as bad as it looks, because I really only want the best for Ricky Gervais.

Now that’s more like it! Hot Olympian with Laurels Michael Phelps brings us back to the show. What am I, made of stone? Something is wrong with the boss’s kids. Phelps as cousin Jeremy is in headgear, and together he and Kristen Wiig twitch their way through the French for numbers one through ten. It is strange, y’all. There is the display of a yodeling doll, and Phelps does some five-pound bicep curls, which are the highlight of this crapass sketch. I don’t want to be so negative about the season premiere of one of my favorite shows…but come on! I want some more Tina Fey or something.

Leonardo diCaprio with a neck beard? Not ok. But maybe Body of Lies won’t totally suck. Nah, it probably will. Miracle at St. Anna, though? I will probably need to see that. Woo, Spike Lee!

Li’l Wayne. Wearing those sunglasses that old people wear, all angle-y and wraparound. I am not cool enough to like this, not at 10:30am on a Friday morning.

I want to punch the movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua in it’s bulging-eyed head. Sorry for the violent threats, but tell me you disagree.

Weekend Update! The highlights: Sarah Palin sucks, OJ is finally going to go to prison forever and ever (finally), Russell Crowe and Snoop Dogg are friends, who knew? Larry Craig doesn’t understand what entering a “guilty” plea means, despite being a freaking lawyer. Online mating databases for zoo animals (hilarious shot of a tiger sitting at a laptop), Nicholas Fehn comes and craps all over comedy. Cabbage Patch kids are 25 years old now (really? I am old), a bird called New Jersey 911, Seth Myers adorably celebrates a sort of lame joke. Andy Samberg is Cathy, of comic strip fame, and I think Rachel Dratch could do it better—what’s she up to these days?

Anyone seen Burn After Reading? I love me some Coen Brothers.

Charles Barkley’s talk show…with our friend Darrly Hammond as Bela Karolyi, who is probably completely insane. Michael Phelps gets to play himself, which is a relief. My little sweet potato is a hell of a swimmer, but not much of an actor.

Family dinner, with that obnoxious T-Mobile commercial where the daughter has hot friends. Dad, that is gross. I am happy to see the “aftermath” of this commercial.

Digital short! Andy Samberg in a white wig, somewhere in space/the future. This song could be by Styx, and is about the Space Olympics in 3022. It is not as awesome as you think it might be.

Aww, Amy Poehler is pregnant. This is the first time we’ve seen any hint of the belly this evening. She and Michael Phelps are on a date at a place like Friday’s or something, and our new featured player is acting much like I imagine regular Friday’s servers do. He fidgets with his do-rag, and I worry about the flammability of his Dragonball-Z shirt.

Um, friends? I heard there was to be some Barack Obama in this episode. There are only 15 minutes left. Where is he???

Li’l Wayne has at least two pairs of sunglasses. This means that he is a true baller, no? Well, Li’l Wayne, I have no fewer than four pairs of sunglasses on my console table right now. It would seem that we have more in common than I thought.

Woo, the Michael Phelps diet! I wish I had crazy Michael Phelps-ian muscles, but I worry about what they would look like in my wedding dress. And Jared Fogel even makes an appearance! It is a rough life for Jared these days, I’m sure.

Okay, the episode is over. And I saw no such Obama. Shame on you, SNL. Did I just miss it, internets? Help a girl out here!

Dear Sarah Palin, Part 2

Dear Sarah Palin,

It's me, again. I can't look away from all the coverage from you, I just can't. It's like a car accident, and I can't believe America would be so stupid as to want you for vice-president. Please America, you've fucked up before, but please don't disappoint me by being so short-sighted and voting on personality rather than issues as to get this woman who makes me ashamed to be female into any part of the White House. As I watch the ABC News interview with you, I have the following thoughts:

1) Hey, you can see Russia "from land!" in Alaska, and that gives you foreign policy experience?! Well, guess what, I can see the moon from my balcony. I guess that makes me an astronaut.

2) Do not fucking compare yourself to Abraham Lincoln. I know Abraham Lincoln, ma'am, and you are no Abraham Lincoln.

3) I think it is a noble thing, that your son is going off to fight a war (that I, personally, believe is completely misguided) in Iraq. Really, I admire him for that. You know why that is? Because I, too, am an American. I am proud of my country, and appreciate that there are those who are willing to do what I never could to protect us. Even if I never could. So don't you, for a goddamn second, pretend that I don't love my country. Because I do, and I will cut you.

Toodles,
Megan

Quick note on the RNC

Dear Sarah Palin,

I know that if I started writing all the things about you that make me want to scream continuously until election day, when Barack Obama will become our president, it would take too long. But as I sit here, I have to say just this: do you really have nothing else to talk about besides your fucking family? I thought they were off-limits. No, only when it's not convenient for you? Fair enough. I realize there are so many other reasons to dislike you, I'll let it go that you are using the language of choice to describe what your daughter is going through-- how convenient that she has the luxury of choosing, no?

How about, oh, I don't know...anything that might convince me that you are in any way qualified to be a heartbeat away from leading my country? Pure insults directed toward your opponent don't count. Go!

Love,
Megan

P.S. Stop lying about the Bridge to Nowhere! We have the internets now, you know.

On being a bad blogger, or why I haven't posted in about a month

Sorry, friends, I don't really have an excuse or apology for you...I was busy, and when I was not busy, I was...not in the mood? Oh well. The point is, I'm back(ish)! How about a little recap? In the past month, I have:

attended a wedding in New York



attended a wedding much closer to home (only 20 minutes away, a new record!)

concocted a watermelon, feta, and mint salad (and not posted an official Whip It Up! entry, sorry)



gone on a small field trip with GP and his parents to the CIA in Hyde Park, for a delicious Italian dinner



...and another field trip to the place on the Hudson where our Big Fat Engagement Party is going to be, next Memorial Day (GP's mom is a planning powerhouse, people, and I totally fail so far at wedding-planning)



had Engagement Party #1, a much smaller affair hosted by my mom and stepdad. The first attempt at getting various friend-groups together, as well as the first "All About Us" activity, and it went pretty well. Cupcakes were involved, so what else would we expect? (Note to self: write those thank-yous NOW!!!)



worked diligently and for very little money at my internship and at the tutoring place

started library school, in which I am taking three classes. I am told that this is an "intense" course load...and so far am not convinced. UCLA's quarter system prepared me pretty well for intense educational experiences, so there.

watched my Bruins beat #18 Tennessee at football. I began watching the game fully expecting us to lose, and was pushed further into the doom-and-gloom category by the (under)performance of our new quarterback (who I still might like to punch, despite the victory)...and then lost my mind when we finally beat them. Yay, college sports!

vowed repeatedly that I would be more diligent in blogging and commenting. With as much attention as all this blog/wiki/Web 2.0 (bleah) stuff is getting in all of my classes, I feel like I should do it, if only to stay on the forefront of the field...you know, because my personal blog has so much to do with library business.

Whip It Up! Fresh produce edition

This next chapter in the Whip It Up tale finds our heroine alone in the kitchen with a dead-batteried camera, four appropriately soft avocados, and a decree to use fresh produce in this week's featured recipe. What's a girl to do?

GUACAMOLE!

Easy choice, friends. As a native Californian, I can think of about 489,524 things to do with an avocado, some not legal in all fifty states, so I decided to keep it real with some good old guacamole. Oh, and because I am a badass...I "made" my own tortilla chips. Less than five minutes under a broiler, some nonfat cooking spray, chili powder, salt, and pepper, and I was in Snack Town. And the guacamole? Here we go...

Megan's Easy Way to Run Through Some Avocados
2-3 ripe, but not too soft avocados
half a jalapeno, seeded ('cause that's where the heat comes from, you know)
salt and pepper
juice from 1 lime or 1/2 a lemon
chili powder
1/4 to 1/2 cup of salsa, if desired
(really, anything else your tummy tells you needs to be in there, too, because much can happen in the heat of guacamole-making)

1. Remove skin and pits from avocado (I'm sure there's some great YouTube video of how to get that pit out, but believe me when I say that it is best to avoid hand laceration by putting the halved avocado on the counter before whacking a blade into the pit to remove it. Just be safe, people.) Place into serving vessel and mash roughly with a fork.
2. Finely dice the jalapeno and add it to the mashed avocado. Add lime or lemon juice.
3. Season with listed spices (and anything else that tastes appropriate), and leave in refrigerator to let flavors meld for about 30 minutes, or as long as you can stand.
4. Eat with chips, tortillas, or your hands. Really, any way to get the guacamole into the system is acceptable.

Was the recipe easy to follow? Yep! Satisfying cravings is something at which I've become greatly skilled, and this is something that is pretty easy to improvise.
Did the dish taste good? Oh, yes. I didn't eat it in one sitting or anything, but it stood no chance at the second one.
Would you make it again? Absolutely. I am a little sad that I only have one avocado left-- it seems like such a meager amount of guacamole!

Note: I have made guacamole from scratch with different ingredients (obviously, there were avocados involved...), as well as using the little powder packet that is available at the grocery store. So, it is a new *formulation* for me, I swear!

Whip It Up! Catch-Up edition

I've been a bit of a WIU delinquent as of late, but I assure you, interwebs, that I have still been cooking (and eating...) as much as ever! A couple weeks late (maybe just one? Who can say?), I present to you...an old favorite! More so for GP, who fell in love with Helper meals in college and, being a capable but lazy male cook, still has a soft spot for them. I, being a bit of a snob (or quite snobby, but still of with that), have refused to buy or eat the Helper meals, but agreed to put a similar, preservative-free version. Of course, this required making things up as I went along, which I seem to be getting more and more comfortable with.
The prepped veggies-- not exactly a mirepoix, but I had a ton of mushrooms on hand, and had to use them before they became complete slime. Garlic and onion because, come on, that goes in everything. FYI, this is about half a pound of whole mushrooms that I sliced, about three quarters of a small onion, and three cloves of garlic (because I am a garlic fiend). Soften the onion and garlic in about 2 tablespoons of olive oil over medium/medium low heat until they are golden, while in a separate pan (I know, high maintenance), cook the mushrooms in a teeny bi of oil and a couple tablespoons of red wine (I used a Viansa merlot, which GP would have discouraged use of while cooking because it is too delicious and expensive, but shhhh). Take the mushrooms from looking like this:
To this:
Drain the liquid and set the mushrooms aside. As you begin to brown the meat (I believe we had about a pound of lean-ish ground beef, but I am a firm believer in ground turkey as well) in the pan with the onion and garlic, start cooking your pasta. I used slightly less than a pound of fusilli, but feel free to change that as your pasta and pasta-to-sauce/meat ratio desires see fit. When the meat if browned, add the mushrooms to the mixture, as well as a can of condensed tomato soup (I used Campbell's Healthy Request because that's what we had on hand-- the important part here is to only use half of the recommended amount of water, so as to avoid a too-soupy faux-Helper meal). Into this mix, also add your spice mixture:
Things will be looking very brown at this point, so feel free to add a splash more of that wine you used to cook to mushrooms. Can't hurt, right? While you're at it, pour a glass or two, drain the pasta, mix the pasta and "sauce," and call your fiance in from the study, because you are done concocting a from-scratch Helper meal! Take that General Mills!

Ok, now for the recap:
Was the recipe easy to follow? Well, yes. I coupled my vague memories of Helper meals with my willingness to make things up as I went along, and it ended pretty tastily. (Is that a word?)
Did the dish taste good? Yup! And there was no salt headache or waxy post-meal mouthfeel like I sometimes get with the actual Helper meals.
Would you make it again? Absolutely. I assume that it might be a little different, based on what we have on hand, but this is such a simple recipe that I think it can be adapted really easily to fit that sort of thing.

Megan's Made-Up "Helper" Meal
Ingredients:
1 small yellow onion
8 oz whole mushrooms
2-3 cloves garlic
3 tablespoons olive oil, divided
about 1/4 cup of red wine, divided
about 1 pound of ground beef or turkey, depending on preference
1 can of low-sodium condensed tomato soup
salt
Italian seasoning blend
garlic powder
ground black pepper
1 pound desired pasta shape (recommended: penne rigate, fusilli, elbow macaroni, rigatoni, shells)

Method:
1. Prep your onions, garlic and mushrooms by finely dicing, mincing, and slicing, respectively.
2. Heat 2 tablespoons of the olive oil in a large pan over medium/medium low heat, and add the onions and garlic. Cook for about 5-10 minutes, until softened, being careful not to scorch the garlic.
3. In another pan, heat the remaining tablespoon of olive oil and the red wine, and cook the mushrooms over medium low heat until softened, about 10 minutes. Once they are softened, drain the liquid and set aside.
4. Begin to cook your pasta.
5. To the onion and garlic mixture, add the ground meat. Cook over medium/medium high heat until browned.
6. Add condensed tomato soup, half the recommended amount of water. Season with salt, pepper, Italian seasoning mix, and garlic powder to taste.
7. Simmer, uncovered, for 5 to 10 minutes.
8. Drain pasta, combine with sauce, and serve.

Coming up: I have a bunch of avocados on hand! What could possibly ensue?